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Submitted on
May 18, 2012
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Darkness, and the faint glow of light; From Candles or from bulbs.

The air, cool and comfortable, my skin heated - growing warmer.

Breath is short. I do not move, I do not dare; unless I am told to do so.

A breath comes about quiet, my own; I hear this heart beat in these ears -

A feeling washed over this body, of a soul quivering guilt of just being ; molded and overpowered by the feelings  of right, and belonging. Righteousness does not exist here.

The rope wounds over and across this body, pulling, scratching, constricting like a serpent around my every part, my every curve.

These wrist, bend and fidget nervously, bound behind me, in my back's small.

The hand, it controls my every move, my very being - moving gently across this skin; My back, shoulder, elbow.. Cherishing and caressing my flesh for what it is.

A holy fire trailing along and staying with each touch, causing unholy feelings.

A palm softly lies on my head, stroking shortly, petting... It rest there in the moment.
A finger gently under my chin, tilting, beckoning.

The eyes, I dare not to move, nor look up - unless I am told. Reserved honor and respect for the power above me; holding.

Then the voice. It speaks; a power shaking me from within, all around the air and between us. It speaks in low tones, soft to stone; commanding me, questioning me; falsely curious and all-knowing. Amused, chuckling.

It says things to me, to my mind and to my body; my heart and soul, awaiting the next sound touch and question.

It says accept me. Accept you.  As you are now, as it is supposed to be.

It says, Be there, kneeling as you are; in your place. Your belonging.

It says Worship me, Obey me and my every whim, desire and request.
It says When asked something, answer me. Tell me the truth always.
Tell no lies to me, and perfect your perfection.

I will control you, you are mine, beloved in more ways than you know.

Have no shame, for this is a part of you, you cannot change.
Accept it. Accept me. Accept you.

And I will complete you, fill your missing voids. And you will complete me, satisfy a dark and vicious hunger;  Insufferable feeling.

I look up to the eyes of the voice.
...and I accept and I agree with no sound, no words.

I am whole.

I feel.. "Right". This is me.

Bliss, arousal, wholeness, enlightenment, shame. Punishment. Bounty. Lust.
I feel it all, and regret none of it.

I feel the darkness, and its flame growing inside of me, in my soul, behind these eyes.
The hunger, from which I silently beg..

The fire inside, A flame from a candle you must admire, Dancing in the dark.
Controlled and alive.

Yes.

More alive and complete than I would ever feel otherwise..
with this body.
This mind, under the Hand's control;
constricting, jest, mockery; taunting me, embracing,shaming, ravishing..

Like the rope biting into these wrist;

like the darkness,

an eternal epiphany,

in this body,

in this,

Soul.
I have it, the flame and darkness inside of me.
Darkness...is often thought of as home of evil things, but it is a holy thing. Powerful and practical. Overwhelming.

Recently I have found it harder and harder to suppress this "darkness", the burning within me - It begs me to accept it, free it slowly...

It is those feelings that spurred me to write this,

And I have to stop and remind myself that it is not something to be suppressed but embraced;
as I said, A flame that you must admire, Dancing in the dark.

Through my journey so far I have learned many things, more so from negative experiences - but the learning and growth of me, my heart; discovering myself and who I am has made those difficult and negative experiences and obstacles all the more worth the troubles.

True submission, in the blood, to the bone, part of the soul.
This is me, forever who I am,
I accept it, I am not ashamed.
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